In the world of parenthood this is a word that some strive for, and others try to stay far away from.
It is considered a great achievement, or a dirty word.
For me Perfection is neither, and both. It is something that I have always wanted as a mom, but it also makes me anxious when I don’t achieve it. I do my best(most days) to keep my house in order, to be a good mom and a good wife. But there are days that I find myself not able to be as ‘perfect‘ as I wish I could be. Being pregnant has not helped these last 8 months.
It is not perfection in anyone else’s eyes that I seek, but my own. It is for me. It is what I truly want. I just need to figure out how to change my own definition.
I am not a perfect mom, or a perfect wife, or anything. I do not keep a perfect home, and I do not have a perfect life. At least not in anyone else’s definition(assuming they know the whole story of my life).
But for me I absolutely do have the perfect life. I have a loving husband, a wonderful son, a daughter on the way and a very sweet step son. We live in a great house(even if we don’t live in our own home yet). I have my dream car! (My minivan is perfect for me, it is incredible in so many ways!)
I am a perfect mom. My son is happy every day, even on the rough days with the tantrums that wont stop, with mommy too tired or in pain to get off the couch, when he doesn’t get his way, or when I give into his crazy wants to appease the crazy toddler, he is happy. He knows he is loved by me, by his dad, by every other family member he has. He is fed, he is clothed, he has more toys than he needs, and he gets to play with my and Daddy every day. Through all the other tasks that come with the Stay-At-Home mom title, those are the most important to me, and I do those. So yes, I am a perfect mom, as much as I need to be for my son.
I am a perfect wife. We fight, we bicker, I get upset at nothing, I get completely crazy some days. But, I love my husband, Every. Single. Second. No matter how much I want to punch him, or can’t stand to be around him. No matter how mean I can be, or how much I don’t like him, I LOVE MY HUSBAND. That never fluctuates. That love only gets stronger, never weaker. So, because of that alone, I am a perfect wife. Cleaning the house, making his lunches, having dinner ready, taking care of the bills and all that stuff is just extra.
Perfection is not everything as a whole. It is moments. It is something that only you can describe for yourself.
When I think of the word perfect, the thing that comes to mind is one moment. Every time.
I think of the first night my husband and I spent together. Not even the whole night, but a specific moment. We were laying in bed, awkward, shy, uncertain of what to do, or where this was going. But there was this moment, where we were laying next to each other, he grabbed my hand and we just looked into each other’s eyes. This moment, only hours after our first meeting in person(At least that I count in my mind), defined us. In this moment, looking into this man’s eyes, I saw my future.
My life has had a few serious relationships, all lasting for years, not just months, or weeks. But until that moment with my future husband, I never had a moment that made me know. I never fell in love without question before. It was seriously something out of a cheesy movie or something.
That is my perfect. With everything else in my life, that perfect moment enabled all these perfect moments in my life that created my perfect life.
I couldn’t be happier.
So lets stop judging the moms with the messy house, who haven’t done dishes in a week and look like a train may have hit them but they only have one kid, because how could they not have a ton of time to get things together?. Lets stop judging the mom with 4 kids, and the spotless, put together house, assuming that they must be lying about something, because no one is that good. Each of these moms, and every other kind in between is living their version of perfect. But most can’t see it because they read the blogs, articles and Pintrest posts about how they can control their life and make their home amazingly clean, or how they need to let their house go, or they will miss the little things with their crazy children, and each of them is told by these that they aren’t doing what they should be. Every single side of the many sided ‘How To Be A Perfect Mom’ die, forgets to mention that its okay. It is okay to do what makes your life perfect, for you not for anyone else! It’s okay if you let your house go, if that’s how you like it. It’s okay to clean up after every mess, if that is what makes you happy. It is okay to be anywhere in between, as long as YOU are comfortable in your home, with your life.
I need to remind myself every day to not judge, AND to remember that I am good enough, perfect enough, and I do my best.
There is no way to compete with anyone else’s “Perfect” so go be that great mom I know each of you are, and create your own version of “Perfect” no matter who may agree or disagree with you.
Have a wonderful Tuesday, and don’t forget to follow!
Feel free to share anything you think need shared!! 🙂